Seeing Miracles
by Hetalia.Power
Summary: Sometimes, miracles come in the strangest ways when you need them most. But is it really that easy to accept a miracle? Three-shot with Spammano and alot of emotional Hurt and talk of/attempted suicide, but there's a reason "comfort" is there too.
1. The Pain of Lovino Vargas

**Oh my gosh! An Authors's Note before the story! Why, HetaliaPower, that's unheard of! I can hear you saying it lol  
>While yes, I don't do this often, I felt this one was needed... no, the Librarian is not Hungary. Sorry about name similarities, it was the one that fit best.<br>Now, read on!**

* * *

><p><em><span>The Pain of Lovino Vargas<span>_

This was how he was every night, not just the night she found him- coiled up on the hard library carpet, prepared to cry, stifling it with an angry hiccups or a frustrated scowl. She'd seen him numerous times, and he'd long since stopped even trying to read, considering nothing seemed to dull the pain, she decided.

It wasn't that she didn't like him; it was that the poor boy and his situation _frustrated_ her. It was that no one stopped to see what was wrong, it was that he'd been kicked out to a broken home every night, it was that he had to return to the only place he could be alone.

The library wasn't busy in the evening, and Eliza was often the only one left to tend to it in its closing hours. Nobody much came by, maybe the working mom to return some books or a businessman that left something there.

Except, there was always him.

The Italian boy was there _every night_ without fail, and no matter what she tried, he wouldn't talk to her. Of course, it wasn't like she'd ever given the effort, only hoping that a gentle smile or warm goodbye would cheer him up a little or show him he had someone to confide in. Of course, it never worked; the boy was cold and didn't talk to anyone.

But the library was about to close, and seeing as he wasn't getting up tonight, she had to talk to him.

Pushing her metal cart over and finishing her shelving, she found him against the edge of the shelf between "Mo" and "Sei" in the fiction section. She sighed as she sat next to him, it taking no time at all for the boy to register her, looking over with an infuriated scowl.

"_What?_"

"Are you alright?"

"What in the world makes you think I'm alright, _sciocco?_"

"It was… a simple question. You didn't need to get so defensive about it." Eliza looked the boy, realizing he could be no younger than her, probably about 23.

"I don't know you. Go away." The boy turned his head away from her, glaring back out where the window was poised.

"Sometimes, miracles are people you don't know."

The boy scoffed.

"My name is Eliza, by the way." She took a momentary glance out the window, then looked back at the boy.

"So?"

"So what's yours?"

"…Lovino. Or Romano. I don't give a damn. Call me what you want."

"What do you prefer?"

"I don't care!" Romano snapped, whipping his head back around to glare at her. "Go away! I don't need you making things worse!"

"…Why do you come here every night, Romano?"

Romano was taken slightly aback by her constant calm tone, but he didn't show this and simply scoffed.

"Because home sucks."

"Tell me about it."

"No."

Eliza remained silent for a moment.

"Why not?" She finally asked.

"Because when I'm at home, nobody cares about me, so why should you?" Romano growled.

"Because I'm not at home." Eliza set her hand on his gently, and surprisingly, he didn't pull away. Instead, he simply took a deep breath, preparing to talk without breaking down.

"Because when I'm at home, everyone loves my little brother more than me. Antonio, and Francis, and Ludwig- Not that I would WANT the potato bastard to love me more!- and just about everyone there. I hate it. I hate it all."

"Is that it?"

"What do you mean, _is that it_?"

"Tell me about… the most important person to you."

"Antonio… took care of me, but he's always acting like an idiot, and grinning about everything, even when he's sad… and he dotes on my brother, even though he doesn't get that I care about him so much, and he never listens to me when Feliciano is around, because Feliciano takes everyone's fucking priority." Romano let out a frustrated growl, a squeal of sorts, and punched the ground.

"How does he act when it's just you?" Eliza asked, now starting to get a feel for the situation.

"He's always so… _happy_. He only pays attention to me, and he's just so attentive it's kinda annoying. He's never mad or angry towards anyone, especially not me; except for that one time Francis groped me, but… that was a different story. He was only angry at Francis, but even stupid Ludwig was angry about that, and he doesn't give two frisk about me."

"And how does he act around Feliciano?" the librarian asked.

"He's just doting on the boys every want, catering and spoiling him, and he pays more attention to Feliciano than me. I'm fucking invisible compared to my stupid little brother…" Romano buried his face in his knees.

"You know what I think?"

"What?"

Eliza sighed.

"I think Antonio cares about you very much, even more than your brother. You become the center of the world when you're around… and maybe, just because your brother's needy, he gets a little overwhelmed. Maybe he's frustrated sometimes."

"…It wouldn't matter," Romano muttered. "…Can I… tell you something?"

"Shoot."

"Sometimes… I think about killing myself… and I want to do it so badly that I start to hate life more and more…"

"Why? It's clear to me Antonio loves you, a lot. You should be happy."

"It wouldn't matter… once I'm gone, he could just forget about me… he wouldn't get overwhelmed or frustrated and he could dote on Feliciano all he wanted to. He wouldn't care… if I were gone."

"…Hmm. That's an interesting perspective. We'll be leaving after this, but do you want my honest opinion, no holes barred?"

Romano looked up at her.

"I think it works like this- in the big picture, you mean nothing. Your death wouldn't affect your country's people or the world's citizens. But in the small picture… your death would be more devastating that if the whole world was lost to those who love you. And I think that's the worst price to pay." And with that, Eliza stood, grabbed her cart, and looked back with a gentle smile. "Have a nice night."

As Romano lay in bed that night, slowly falling asleep, he decided he would go through with his plan… if Spain didn't fix everything.

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><p><strong>AN**: An authors note real quick so I don't piss everyone off! This will be very angsty, and there will be suicide in it (I'm not telling you whether it's succesful or not), but there will be alot of ocmfort. A **_lot.  
><em>**And Spamano. 'Cause... 'Cause I like Spamano and it only fits.


	2. The Confliction of Lovino Vargas

_The Confliction of Lovino Vargas_

And so came time for the next conference, and it went by without a hitch (if you consider "Without a hitch" to be with often fights, mostly between France and England…). As Romano stood by Spain angrily on the way out, they ended up being the last ones out… after Greece, of course.

Spain's attention was focused solely on Romano that day, since Italy had caught a cold and couldn't make it, and the Spaniard therefore didn't had to balance the weight of looking after the two on his shoulders. Romano, he noticed, was more angsty and angry than usual today, and Antonio didn't like that one bit.

"Romano," he said gently in the hallway, seeing as everyone else was far ahead.

"What, bastard?" Romano growled, pretending he hadn't been happy to be by the Spaniard's side, if only for a little while.

"Are you ok? What's wrong?"

"N-Nothing's wrong, dammit! Just leave me alone!" After blurting out his latest lie, Romano was taken by surprise as Spain quickly pulled him into a firm hug. Romano did not complain, perhaps because he needed it now more than ever.

"Romano… I hate seeing you hurt… If there's anything I can do, just ask… ok?"

"…Fine."

As Spain let go, he was smiling stupidly once more.

"Oh yeah, we're the last ones out, so go wake Greece up, ok~?" He chimed. "I'll wait for you in the car!" Spain ran off happily, and Romano sighed, frustrated once more as he had to walk into the conference room and wake the sleeping Mediterranean country. It was strange to see, though, that this meeting, he'd fallen asleep with his iPod in.

As Romano shook Greece's shoulder, cursing, Greece eventually came to, pulling an earbud out of one ear.

"Dammit, took you long enough!" Romano scoffed.

"Hey, Roma… sorry…"

And although he knew it was none of his business, Romano found himself asking,

"What were you listening to?"

Greece looked up at him, not seeming to be fully awake, but fully coherent.

"I was listening to 'Servant of Evil'…"

"Humph. Never heard of it." Romano dismissed the situation as Greece just being silly, but he was wrong.

"It's song form Japan…" Greece sighed. "It always helps me to listen to it when I'm in a tough spot…"

"In a tough spot? So you're economy's down. What's the worst _you_ have to worry about? A cold?" Romano growled.

"That's not true. I know we may not be friends, but we don't hate each other either… so I think I can tell you this in confidence, but… may I…?"

Romano's eyes narrowed slightly.

"Go on."

"Sometimes… Very often, actually… I want to kill myself."

Romano's breath caught in his throat. Greece, suicidal? The man seemed to have no problems, or at least, none that he was affected by. What would have hurt him so much?

"A-Are you serious?"

"Yes." Greece's tone was rather stern now.

"Wh-what… what _happened_?"

"My economy is in shambles, I haven't got a single close relationship with anyone anymore, and my country is in quite a spot of trouble because of me… I wonder- do I really mess up that much? Would it just be better to end it and let Turkey or America take my country over?"

"Greece…" Romano swallowed hard. "And the song? How does it h-help…?"

"The lyrics, actually."

"But it's in Japanese, isn't it?" Romano scoffed. "How can you _possibly_ understand it?"

"I know the lyrics by heart," Greece rebutted. "Do you want to hear about it?"

Romano, slightly embarrassed about doubting him so furiously, nodded.

"The story is of a pair of twins. One serves his sister, and the other is the ruler of a kingdom. But the sister is hated, definitely not known for being a benevolent leader… and when she destroys an entire other kingdom over a man she is in love with, citizens of her own kingdom and neighboring ones revolt, and she's executed. But the story of the first song- Daughter of Evil- leaves much to be desired… because it Servant of Evil, it tells the story of how the boy traded places with his sister… and was executed in her place."

Romano found himself trembling.

"How sad…"

"And it really helps me… because it reminds me, when I think that Japan doesn't care anymore and has too much on his plate, or Turkey hates me with every fiber of his being, that they wouldn't care if I was gone, well… I tell myself I'm only being selfish."

"What? How is that selfish?"

"If I gave up my life because I thought no one cared, I would only be selfish and ignorant… because it would be a much greater cause to wait and give my life for someone I love."

Romano's breath caught in his throat. It truly did change the way he thought about this whole suicide business.

"Anyways, thank you for waking me up. You have a good day." Greece yawned, stretching as he headed out the door.

"Thank you, Greece…" Romano muttered.

-x-x-x-

"Ne~ Romano!" Spin called form the kitchen, and Romano dragged himself form the living room to see what Spain and Italy were doing.

"What?" Romano growled, displeased he hadn't been asked to help with dinner that night. Of course, why would he, when his brother's a much better cook? Besides, Spain would rather have the younger around for company anyways…

"Veneziano and I were talking, and we're gonna go see Francis tomorrow," Spain chimed. "You want to come?"

"M-_Matto_! Of course not! Tomorrow we were supposed to go to the festival in Barletta, remember?"

Spain froze.

"Oh no, that was tomorrow, wasn't it…?"

"Yes! Fucking bastard! Dammit!" Romano hit the wall. "I've been looking forward to this _all month_, and you just go and blow it off! What the fuck is wrong with you? Why do you _always_ do this? Dammit!"

"Romano…" Spain reached out for Romano's shoulder, but Romano slapped his hand away.

"No!"

"Ve… Fratello…" Italy took a step closer. "I'm sorry…"

"You too! You always do this! You always have to weasel your way in between Spain and I!" And with that, Romano stormed off to his room and was not seen for the rest of the night.

It was decided; he would get his gun and go through with the plan the next night at his own place… so as not to hurt his brother, and least of all, Spain before he had to.

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><p><strong>AN:** 'Kay. Time for my usual derpy author's note.  
>So most of this chapter was, in fact, written with Servatn of Evil as background music. Don't ask me why I chose Greece, I just did. The second part of this chapter was rather awkwardly forced out to music that wouldn't seem to fit (Dang you Pandora) but I was on the Pandora channel for "The Bird and the Worm" by the Used (I really wish I could listen to that specific song, it fits Romano really well.)<p>

This chapter... I don't know. I think it was good until the end, and then I just went bleeeeeeeegh all over my keyboard and forced it out. Because it wasn't something I was planning on doing, but ended up having to.  
>Also, I'm titling the chapters based off of the titles for the Haruhi Suzumiya Light Novels (The Sigh of Haruhi Suzumiya, The Boredom of Harui Suzumiya, etc.)<p>

By the way. I should be able to get part 3 out tonight~! Yay for fast typing!  
>Hopefully nothing says "fro" again... my computer think that's a real word. Stupid computer.<p> 


	3. The Finale of Lovino Vargas

_The Finale of Lovino Vargas_

Spain called and called, but Romano would not pick up his phone the next day. Although Spain had cancelled his plans with Veneziano to finally spend some time with his beloved Romano, it seemed that Romano didn't want to have anything to do with Spain for the rest of the day, and that hurt Spain more than anyone could ever know.

What Spain didn't know is that Romano had been harboring pain and regret for months now, and was spending his last day writing his suicide note.

It had to be perfect, it had to tell Antonio how he felt, the happy and the miserable… The love.

As twilight managed to roll around and dusk fell, Romano deemed he was ready. Suicide note on the counter of the kitchen, Romano sat on his bed, gun in hand as he contemplated his finale.

Was it really worth it?

Maybe Greece was right. Maybe he had better things to die for.

Maybe Eliza was right. Maybe Romano would devastate Antonio and Feliciano.

But maybe _he_ was right. Maybe he really couldn't deal with the pain. Maybe it wasn't worth staying here. Maybe… Spain would never feel the way he did.

Maybe Spain would never love him.

Romano brought the gun up to his head for a moment, but the dropped it slowly, letting out a disturbed sort of chuckle. He was killing himself over _love_. Of all things, it had to be _love_. But it wasn't just that, he decided. It was the pain of being isolated, it was the pain of being torn apart, and it was the pain of never being seen as _worthy_ when compared to his brother.

Maybe it was just the pain.

-x-x-x-

Spain had contemplated for a long while over whether or not to come see Lovino. It was already far too late to go to the festival, but they could still catch the fireworks together, right?

But that wasn't all he wanted to do. What the Spaniard was really hell bent on was telling Lovino how he felt. Antonio didn't want to see the Italian hurt, and Antonio wanted him to know that above everything else, he loved him.

As Spain walked down the street, he stopped at Romano's familiar house and unlocked the door with the key he'd been given. But something was amiss… The house was far too quiet, not even the sound of the TV running. Maybe Romano had fallen asleep on the couch?

But the Italian wasn't there. Dining room? No. Perhaps the kitchen?

And that's when Spain found the note. And he trembled all the while through reading it-

_To whoever finds this,_

_You will find very very soon that I am no longer here. Just go upstairs. I've decided I'm done, and yes, I've mulled over it for a while… so since Antonio is the only one I expect to find this, I have something to say to you._

_If Spain is reading this, I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused you. I know I was just a burden to be around you. But I want you to know I've always loved you and there's nothing you can do about that, but there was nothing I could have done and I shun myself for not finding the courage to tell you until I was dead. I know you favor my brother over me, and I hope that I can't burden you anymore, so that you won't be frustrated by me. I know he'd needier, but I have needs too, and you can't balance that out, so you have to choose his over mine. I'm sorry I made things hard, Antonio, I love you._

_It actually occurs to me that my brother might be reading this, and I don't want you to think I don't care._

_So to my Fratellino, I loved you too, and I'm sorry I had to be such a fucking bother. I hope you're happier with me gone._

_So to the two of you… arrivederci._

Spain froze and dropped the letter, panic rushing over him. Romano couldn't be dead… he just couldn't!

"LOVINO!" Antonio screamed, running for the stairs.

-x-x-x-

Romano froze, lowering the gun only slightly. He was, in that exact moment, about to pull the trigger, and then he heard him. Spain. Antonio, calling his name in blind panic. Romano stood there frozen for just a moment until Spain burst into the room, yanking the gun from Romano's hand and in turn yanking the Italian into a forceful hug, beginning to cry into his shoulder.

"I-Idiot, what are you doing…?" Romano muttered, 'shocked' being an understatement.

"I could ask you the same thing! What were you _thinking_? Do you know how _happy_ I am that I wasn't too late?" Spain continued to sob into Romano's shoulder, tremors rocking his body. "You're the idiot! Don't you _ever_ to that to me again!"

"You're being a massive ass for someone who says they were so concerned…" Romano looked away from Spain, albeit hugging him back. The Spaniard just looked up and took Romano's face in his hands.

"You thought I loved your brother more than you and were going to kill yourself over it… forgive me if I'm a little angry, or shaken, or afraid, or even slightly _broken_, Lovino…"

Romano began to choke on words to say.

"If you were too late, what would you have done? What could you possibly have told yourself to make it alright?" A stern scowl came to Romano's face, and Spain simply bit his tongue and trembled.

"What could make your death _alright_, Lovino? You're being very selfish right now…" Spain returned that scowl, forcing Romano's breath to hitch angrily.

"_I'm_ being selfish? I'm not the one who's acting all high and mighty right now, looking down on someone for being in _pain_, Antonio! You're such a stupid bastard sometimes!"

And with that remark, Spain did two things that changed the situation drastically; the first was slap him, followed by promptly kiss him, both of which confused the Italian very, very much.

"You have… _no_ _idea_ how much pain reading that letter put me through. You were being very selfish, because if you killed yourself… then I would have to do the same, Lovino, and I don't want to pay either price."

"Great, so it's my fault now…"

"I'm _sorry_, Lovino! I'm sorry for putting you through so much pain, and it will never happen again, but you are _not_ allowed to worry me like that again… because dammit, Romano, I love you!"

Romano let out a short, exasperated laugh.

"Hey."

"What…?"

"Stay over tonight."

"How about forever?" Spain was back to grinning again, and that was enough to bring a smile to Romano's face.

"Yeah."

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><p><strong>AN:** CRAP.  
>THAT IS THE SIMPLEST WAY TO PUT IT.<br>The end... The ending came out too like... fluffy and crap for this god dang story. BLAME PANDORA. F***ING BLAME PANDORA. They started playing all this fluffy music that fit for what I was writing but totally obliterated what I was gonna write and made this fluffy crap.  
>I hope you guys like Fluffy. 'Cause this is FLUFFY.<p>

I will not be doing a sequal or sister series to this, at least for a long time, because I have too much to work on. /facedesk  
>I was gonna work on Heroes of Time, but the plot bunnies that were holding Italy hostage threatened to kill him if I didn't write this, I swear!<br>Dang, my plot bunnies are getting rambunctious...

SO. SHOUT-OUTS:  
>The fic of the day is "<em>Arreviderci<em>" by **HipsterMustache** (AWESOME PEN NAME, MY FRIEND) because it is what inspired me to get off my butt and work on this. The first part was from the plot bunnies that came to me while I was working at my school's library as the assistant, because for some reason I really wanted to find Romano in a situation like that while I was there. Idk. And the third came out of no-where.

The songs of the day are "_All I Wanted_" by **Paramore**, "_Servant of Evil_" by **Kagamine Len**, and "_Endless_" by **Green River Ordinance **for being the driving forces of this story. Especially the last one, that one made the beginning of this story the good that it is. And then the end, well, you can blame Pandora for that fluff.

The person of the day is my friend Dylan, for being the person to CONSTANTLY HARASS ME WITH STUFF ABOUT TOILET PAPER CAKES AND CONDOM WATER BALLOONS WHILE I WAS WRITING THIS. Thanks, Nebraska, you're really insane.

And the last shout out is to a movie I don't know. My sister just told me about this scene once where this guy is like shouting and to girl he's gonna marry or something, and he's like "I'm going to marry you if it's the last thing I do!" and he walks out, and walks back in and yells "I LOVE YOU!" and that inspired Spain's outburst in the end lol

I hope you enjoyed this because I think it's weird :I  
>Ciao~!<p> 


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